Heronstairs - Redemption
by ShadowLunatic
Summary: Will is confused. VERY confused. He goes to Magnus for help, but all that old warlock does is shoo Will off with a ridiculous idea. What's he going to do now? Tell Jem, so he can be free, at least, or remain locked with his secrets of his love for Jem?


Magnus Bane looked amused.

He always does, Will thought, inwardly rolling his eyes. He was sitting on one of Magnus's colourful sofas, bracing himself for Magnus's reaction.  
It wasn't much.

"I expected this," Magnus said in his slightly accented, posh voice. "I see the way you've been avoiding Tessa."

Will groaned, pushing his hands into his hair. His recently accumulated feelings for Jem were so outrageous, he couldn't believe it himself.

"And," Magnus continued, his smirk growing wider, "The way you've been looking at your parabatai."

Parabatai. Will couldn't bear to hear that word, and he couldn't bear to think what would happen if the Clave found out about it either. His voice muffled, he asked, "Is there some sort of magic that allowed one to get rid of unwanted feelings?"

Magnus was smiling now, not bothering to hide his amusement. "No," Magnus said. "There's no use asking. There's only one way to get out of this."

Will sat up and looked Magnus in the eye. He didn't have to say anything; the look of desperation was readable on his face, and it was as good as Will hissing, "Tell me," at gunpoint.

"Jem," Magnus said simply, looking at Will with heavy, knowing eyes. "You've got to tell him."

Will stood at the steps to the Institute, his heart pounding wildly. In a few minutes-that's if he went inside-he would have to face Jem. Jem, with all his clever, gentle demeanor and oh, his beautiful silvery hair… Some days, Jem would just do something-something so simple, almost nothing-that made Will suddenly want to go over and-

Stop it. Will shook himself as though shaking his mind of cobwebs. Reaching out, he slowly touched the large and elaborate doorknob of the Institute. It opened with a click and a whirr, as swift as it had been since it was made years ago. Will swifted inside and paused, letting the door close slowly on its own.

Peidiwch â bod yn ffwl, he thought, letting his wild roots get to him.

Walking into the doorway of the living room, he bumped into Tessa. She had a wild, expressive look on her face, like she was screaming at the top of her lungs and nobody could hear her. Will felt something for her… Something like pity, or remorse, something- but it wasn't anything near what he felt for Jem.

"Will?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"Yes?" Will replied, averting his eyes. He could see tears in hers and didn't want to face her.

"Will, what has happened?" She looked pleadingly at him. "Will… Will, what did I do wrong?"

"Nothing." Will said it a little too sharply, and hurt flashed on Tessa's face. "It's not you…" Will, exasperated, ran a hand through his damp hair. "I've done absolutely all the wrong that could be there."

Will found Jem in his own room, finally. It was a strange situation, since his nerves had gradually calmed, because he hadn't seen Jem anywhere around. Then, when he saw Jem sprawled on the floor of his bedroom, the adrenaline rushed up in Will again. And although he would have been astonished by it, something else rose to bigness, secretly, within him. Jem, not noticing his parabatai at first, continued reading the book-book? Jem?-that was lying on the floor with him. Then Will made a small whimpering sound, and Jem looked up. His pale face broke into a grin.

"Sorry for exploiting your room," he said cheerfully at first, but then noticed the sadness in Will's eyes and trailed off. "What is it, Will?" Jem asked, standing up.

Will looked at Jem sorrowfully. His head was bursting with things to say to him, but all that came out was a choking noise in his throat. "I…" Will said, shifting on his feet uncomfortably. "I need to talk to you of an urgent matter. Will you accompany me to the library?"

Jem nodded, looking unsure as to why Will was behaving so formally. Nevertheless, he followed his parabatai.

Jem always admired the library. Its towering shelves and ladders, and the way it curled up to a dome at the peak. It was beautiful. Everything was beautiful in the Institute, he realized for the thousandth time. But, of course, he always found one person's beauty and intelligence above everything else's, somebody so utterly close, but so utterly unreachable-

"Jem," Will said painfully. Jem's chest contracted. What was wrong with Will?

"Are you hurt?" Jem said. "You've never seemed so wounded."

"Look, Jem, this will surprise you at the least," Will told him, "And will probably make you hate me at the most. But please, for my sake, hear me through. I shall not take much of your time.

"You see, Jem, a few months ago, Tessa came to the Institute, and I was intrigued by her. Her love for books matched mine, and we got along together for a while. See, Jem, that's the right phrase for it: We got along."

Jem wondered why Will was telling him all this, but another part of him was beginning to understand what it was about.

"After a few weeks of thinking, and talking to Tessa, I realized that she was not the reason my heart was filled with happiness. It was something else, something I never, ever thought would happen; something that lurked wildly in the corners of my head. Even I didn't dare touch it; it came on its own.  
"It was you, Jem. You, the one who stuck by my side, the one who fought beside me; the one who calmed my nerves. It was never Tessa. As I grew these past months, I have understood the magnitude of my affection towards you. I don't fancy you, James Carstairs. I love you." Will was looking at Jem desperately. Jem was blank. This…

He took a step towards Will, and looked him in the eye. "You are my parabatai. We are bound with threads that are more powerful than blood, and it will connect our souls together, forever." Will had sunken down onto the silk chair that was behind him, and he put his face in his hands. "Jem, don't say that, you're only making it-"

"But at this moment," Jem continued steadily, kneeling on the floor in front of Will, "I do not know exactly what I feel for you. Whether it is love, or affection, I do not know." Jem lifted Will's face out of his hands, and wrapped his own fingers around Will's cheeks. Will looked extremely astonished.

"I just know one thing," Jem whispered, leaning forward, "that I'm stuck with you, Will, and I'm not willing to let you go."

And Jem leaned towards Will and kissed him. It was a moment of redemption for Jem, finally having Will's lips on his own, and Will's arms around his shoulders, on his back.

A moment, a minute, a lifetime of redemption-for both of them.

The End.


End file.
